Why Angry Feelings Are OK But Angry Behaviour Is Wrong

The red mist, flipping your lid, blowing a fuse – whatever you call it, anger is something we all experience from time to time. A real and natural emotion, anger is our brain’s reaction to a perceived slight or injustice and can help us to defend both ourselves and others. It is, however, something that can sometimes rage out of control and can lead to aggression or even violence if not kept in check so, in this article, we’re explaining (calmly) why angry feelings are OK but angry behaviour is wrong.

Anger – The Science Bit

Anger is essentially a survival tool – when something upsets us it can make us feel threatened and, when this happens, a few interesting things occur. First, we may experience a tensing of muscles and this might be followed by an increased heart rate and blood pressure. While all of this is going on, our bodies are essentially going into fight mode in readiness to defend ourselves. Most of us will experience mild anger several times a day.  What triggers our anger could be as simple as the bus being late again or a co-worker passing the buck.  And this works on a scale: from minor irritation through to gut-busting rage. ..

Why angry feelings are OK but angry behaviour is not

Not only is anger a natural emotion, it’s also a healthy one because it allows us to recognize and deal with injustice. This does, however, become a problem if you find that you’re frequently unable to control your begavior. In this article, we’re looking at why this is not OK, and how best to deal with it.

When anger is your default setting

Untamed anger will often present as aggression and while this might be appropriate when confronted with an attacker, it can get you into hot water at work or with friends. Aggressive or intimidating behaviour is not just antisocial but it can quickly escalate a situation which could have been easily diffused. Shouting, invading somebody’s space and gestures such as finger-pointing are all forms of aggression which tell you that things are is out of control.

When anger doesn’t work

When we become overly angry, this will often override our more rational thoughts and emotions if we allow it to run amok. For example, when your co-worker is late again and you have to pick up the slack. In this situation, rational thought will tell you to take a few deep breaths and talk to your manager or boss about the problem. That’s because when you let anger take over, you could end up shouting – or swearing – at your co-worker, which helps nobody.

When debate turns to hostility

Some people simply can’t control their anger when talking with someone who upsets or annoys them. Sound familiar? While there’s nothing wrong with being passionate about your point of view, you should never let this slide into intimidating behaviour. Not only is this socially unacceptable but it also actually undermines the point you’re trying to get across as all that your opponent (and others around them) are seeing and hearing is your anger.

When friends turn to foes

The friend who’s always flying off the handle is rarely one that is fun to be around. Because of this, many people with anger issues find that people will start to distance themselves from them – which of course, ironically, can make them feel more angry. Friends and family are, for most people, a vital network for socialising and support and losing part or all of this network can be devastating. We may all have laughed at Ross from Friends being suspended from work “on account of my rage”, but in real life there’s nothing funny about it.

Body and soul

Feeling too angry, too often can have a very real impact on our physical and emotional health. As we mentioned earlier in this article, our bodies react physically to anger and, while this is more or less harmless occasionally, there are some dangers. If you are constantly experiencing an increased heart rate or blood pressure this can lead to a number of health complaints such as heart disease. Similarly, feeling a heightened state of emotion too often can cause mental health problems such as anxiety and depression.

Turning Down The Temperature

If some of the points in this article are pushing your buttons, it may be that you have an issue with your anger – but what to do about it? The good news is that there are ways in which you can manage your anger and these are:

• Trigger happy – Make a note of the times that you get angry and write down what caused it. This can help you to recognise the things that trigger you and to then head your anger off at the pass.
• Find your moderator – Although you may not be able to stop yourself feeling angry, you can find a way to moderate your emotions. Some people find that using breathing exercises, counting to ten or simply removing themselves from the situation for a couple of minutes can help.
• A matter of course – If you feel that you’re unable to regulate your anger by yourself, don’t worry – help is at hand. An anger management course can really help you to first understand your anger and then to learn to deal with it. Affordable and 100% online, these courses are discreet and are designed to teach you how to keep a lid on your livid feelings for a happier and more successful life.

Harnessing The Power Of Anger In The Modern World

We live in an increasingly complex world and so it’s not surprising that our emotions can sometimes get the better of us. There’s absolutely no shame in recognising that we need a little help in managing our feelings – in fact, this is extremely healthy. An anger management course can help you to press reset on the emotions that are holding you back so that you can forge ahead by turning a problem into confident, assertive and positive behaviour.